2021 is finally here and what better way to kick it off than by talking about transformations. After all, the coming of a new year always seems to be that perfect time to make resolutions and real positive changes to our lives. That said, never forget that any day is THE DAY for growth and transformation. And to help on your journey to positive change, we thought we’d pick the brains of California-based transformational coach, Rohini Ross.
Ready to take this renewed transformational love journey with us? Have a watch of the video below or keep scrolling down for a sneak peek of some of the Q&As…
Introducing Rohini Ross
As well as being a transformational coach, which we will delve into a bit deeper later, Rohini is a licensed marriage and family therapist. She is the co-founder of Rewilding Love, a podcast that explores the natures of true relationships alongside her partner, Angus. They help couples reduce conflict in their relationships by rediscovering their innate wisdom and wellbeing.
What is a Transformational Coach?
In the words of Rohini herself: “A transformational coach is about “creating sustainable change, and this can only happen for people when they have an internal shift. Most people we work with have something they want to change in their lives or a goal they want to achieve, whether it be about relationships or success. However, the foundation of the work is really working within and looking at what the foundation can be inside. That’s where the transformation really starts.
Your Transformational Questions Answered – Rohini Ross Q&A
To help you better understand how to transform your life (and love life), we thought we’d ask Rohini to answer a few of your top burning questions (thanks to everyone who sent theirs in):
I am feeling really flat about my relationship, as well as in general, my job, my friends, my family relationships. What are your top tips for staying positive as we move into a new year? – Gemma
I love that Gemma is able to recognise that the flatness isn’t just in one area. It’s actually across the board, and that is a really important signal to let her know that the flatness isn’t coming from one particular issue. It’s actually coming from her own state of mind. Now it’s natural for people to want to feel more happiness, more contentment, and more joy, especially around this time of year of the holidays, but it’s also important to remember that a lot of people feel a lot of pressure at this time of year, and additional happiness shouldn’t be one of those pressures.
So, the first step is to take the pressure off and to understand that fluctuations in mood is normal for everyone. It’s a healthy part of the human makeup. Second, I would encourage Gemma to recognise this flatness she’s feeling is feedback for her own self-care about the need for her to look after her own wellbeing. Feelings of flatness signals we have a lot on our mind. So, what I would recommend is to encourage her to do anything that will allow her mind to relax. There is no one way to do that, it’s all about being in tune with your conscious at that moment and doing whatever it takes, whether it be meditation, yoga, or a quick walk.
My boyfriend and I are naturally both stubborn and fiery, we don’t argue often but when we do it’s fireworks. How can we resolve disagreements in a calmer, more adult way? – Anonymous
One of the things that I have found helpful in my relationship, and that I share with others, is that when there is a sensitive subject, it’s very easy for the people involved to start to take what is being said personally. They start to get defensive, and that’s when the fireworks begin. This is a place that is very hard to find a resolution in. It tends to just go down a downward spiral and not be very productive for anyone involved.
The main piece of advice is that when there is a sensitive subject being discussed, it is imperative that it happens when you are both in a good mood. If both parties are in a good place when discussing the matter, it’s amazing what can be tapped into regarding possibility and how to navigate the conversation.
Instead of blaming the other person and attacking them for being too angry to talk about things, take responsibility for yourself, and say “I’m not ready to talk about this now. Let’s revisit when I’m in a better mood.” And always commit to coming back!
My girlfriend and I have both suffered from depression in the past, and the past few months have really taken their toll. How do we lift each other when we’re both feeling so low? It’s really affecting our relationship and we’re constantly bringing each other down. – Unknown
I think it’s important to recognise that in a relationship, it’s not possible to bring your partner out of a low mood. And it’s often a really bad idea to try, as sometimes it can feel very invalidating of their experience. I’m not saying don’t be kind to your partner when they’re in a low mood, as to me that’s different from trying to get them out of a low mood. When we recognise that a low mood is a result of what happens when we get caught up in identifying with negative thinking (which is what happens to all of us at times) that is not the natural state. The natural state of the mind is to settle, so one of the metaphors I use is the metaphor of water. If we think about water, if you’re shaking water it’s going to get all turbulent, but if you leave it alone, its natural state is to settle.
When we’re adding too much to the mind, it can become very agitated, but when we leave turbulent thinking alone, the natural state of our mind is to just settle. And what happens when we’re in a low mood is our thinking can get so compelling. So, what we need to recognise is: when we can’t trust our thinking (when it becomes too compelling), it becomes a lot easier to leave negative thinking alone. That may look like focusing on something else, which allows the mind to settle and stabilise a lot more easily.