Recently, long periods with a lack of intimacy have got our minds wandering. We reminisce about the good times, being outside, having a drink, and a partner to share it with. You may be wondering if your relationship was better than you originally thought and perhaps you shouldn’t have broken up. So you think to yourself, ‘Should I get back with my ex?’. Maybe it’s worth considering the ‘no-contact rule’ to see if that works for you?
Before you find yourself well and truly down the rabbit hole, there are a few things to iron out.
1. Why do you want to get back together?
It’s perhaps the most important question. Why? There was something beforehand that broke you up and had seemingly irreplaceable damage. So why is it that you’re now asking ‘should I get back with my ex-boyfriend or girlfriend?’. The answer should be simple. It could be an unmatched connection or simply the fact that you miss them. What’s crucial, is you taking the time to find out where this desire stems from.
If you find you’re asking ‘should I get back together with my ex-girlfriend’ simply because you don’t want them to be happy with someone else, take a moment to reflect. This desire stems from jealousy rather than genuine feelings. Remember that it takes time for you to recover from heartbreak, and you should give yourself time.
2. Will things be different this time?
Ask yourself, what has changed? When considering, ‘should I get back with my ex’, you don’t want things to end up the same as they did last time. This is particularly true when you find yourself considering, ‘should I get back together with my ex-husband or ex-wife’. The stakes then are higher.
So, what is going to make it work this time? Growth is the key. Whatever the issue was last time, you need to have grown from it. This growth shows itself in the form of acceptance. It is important to know that you and your partner will be able to overcome challenges in the future. It is also worthwhile considering, can you live with it if nothing has changed?
3. Have you both acknowledged your mistakes?
Who was at fault for your relationship ending? Chances are, both of you. You need to be able to take accountability for your actions and apologize, as does your partner. When asking, should I get back with my ex-girlfriend or ex-boyfriend, remember to consider that you BOTH need to acknowledge mistakes that were made. This relates back to growth.
Growth within a relationship is essential and inevitable. Acknowledging your mistakes together ensures that you both grow and better yourselves. In a healthy, happy relationship, you and your partner should be willing to work together to better yourselves. What’s essential is that an apology needs to be sincere. Remember, every disagreement is an opportunity for growth.
4. Can you forgive each other?
Hearing an apology always makes you feel better. But can you forgive? This doesn’t just relate to your significant other, but also to yourself. Before asking, should I get back together with my ex, ask yourself if you have forgiven each other?
What does forgiveness mean? Forgiveness means you have made a conscious decision to let go of a wrongdoing someone may have caused you. It is by no means an easy decision. You can often find it difficult to be able to rationalize what happened and this makes it more difficult to allow forgiveness. If you or your partner cannot forgive, it may be wise to consider that this may not be a healthy situation to go back into.
5. Do you both want the same things?
Getting back together is great, but is it going to lead to another break-up? When considering, should I get back with my ex-boyfriend or girlfriend, consider if you want the same things. Though you may not want to, it could be time to think about the future, what you want, and if their desires align. You do not have to have identical views of the future but similar enough ones to make compromises that suit you both.
The last thing you want is for things to end again. So ask the important questions and get all your answers before you answer the question, “should I get back together with my ex-girlfriend or boyfriend?”.
6. What would your advice be to someone else?
Your friend asks you, ‘should I get back together with my ex?’ The circumstances are the same as your own, what would you say? Quite often, we don’t take our own advice. Of course, more emotion and higher stakes are involved, but it is important to consider if you’d be happy to see your loved ones in the same situation as you and go through with it. If you find that you wouldn’t recommend it to a friend, you should consider why you don’t have the same expectations for yourself.
As difficult as it is to answer, should I get back together with my ex-husband or wife, taking yourself out of your own shoes is a great way to get some added perspective. Deep down, you know what’s best for yourself.
Making your decision
So, should I get back with my ex? By considering the questions we have posed, hopefully, you have a better sense of clarity on the situation. Remember to trust your gut feeling and always put your happiness first, in the short term and long run.
For more tips and advice, have a look at the committed relationships section of our website.