Calling all introverts striving to crack the labyrinthine code that is dating.
We feel you. We see you. We’re here to offer some Miingle-certified tips.
It’s common knowledge that dating requires a sickening level of social energy. Whether it be online or in the good ol’-fashioned flesh, the entire process is an intimidating feat for all personality types. With this thought in mind, you can imagine the struggle that introverts face when attempting to kick dating’s arse for good.
Despite what many might assume, the difficulties suffered by an introvert don’t actually boil down to an intense desire to stay in bed and watch Netflix all evening instead of heading out to a bar and fraternising with fellow human beings. Sure, introverts might prefer to tuck into their favourite graphic novel over Italian food with a perfect stranger. However, people often mistakenly believe that they are closed off, socially inept individuals. This is simply not the case.
To be introverted is to be quite literally too intune with human emotion. It’s about being inherently connected to your inner dialogue and engaging with a constant silent conversation inside your own head. Introverts tend to overanalyse social situations and environments, making dating, particularly the early stages of dating when consistent conversation is key, exceptionally tiresome.
If you’re reading this and feeling pained by just how strongly you can relate to these issues, then don’t stress. There are several ways to transform your introverted personality into your greatest strength, owning the dating game as a result. Here’s a few:
1. Say Cya Later to Small Talk
Huffpost writes: Small talk stresses introverts out, while deeper conversations make them feel alive. It’s undeniable that socialising feels less exhausting when it involves meaningful discussion. Small talk, although it is the go-to conversation between people who are still getting to know one another, requires intense thought. Millions of questions will run through an introvert’s mind during the process. What should I ask this person next? Maybe I should ask them if they like cats? Do they watch Love Island? Shit, I don’t even watch Love Island. Am I even listening to their answers while I desperately think of another question to ask? You get the point – small chat is stressful. So, it’s time to ditch it. Arrive at your date with three hearty conversation topics in mind. Topics that you know you can talk about for days. Maybe you’re working on an incredible project at work at the moment, or you happen to know an inordinate amount about Mediaeval history. Whatever it is, dive into a conversation about it headfirst. Your passion for the subject and the way that it relaxes you will shine through and speak for itself.
2. Embrace Silences
Introverts tend to avoid conversational silences at all costs. They might overthink a silence mid-conversation, perceiving it as awkward and therefore negative. A silence is not necessarily an indication that things are going horribly wrong. If it happens, don’t overthink it. This will most likely leave you even more lost for words, or, on the other end of the spectrum, babbling for Britain. Instead, take a deep breath, embrace the moment with someone new, and begin a new topic of conversation. It will reserve your energy for the remainder of the date.
3. Hold on to Your Confidence
Introverts are exceptionally hard on themselves, lacking self-esteem in social situations and feeling undesirable as a result. This piece of advice is not about the old cliche, ‘love yourself before you can love someone else.’ It’s more about bringing a certain level of confidence to a date and maintaining it. Why? Because confidence draws people in from the onset. Have confidence in how intuitive and resourceful being introverted makes you, and channel this into your behaviour – even if you have to fake it until you make it initially. Act confident. Be confident.
4. Take a Break From the Bar
These days, particularly with the rise of online dating, bars are the go-to location for a first (or second, or third) date. In amongst crowds teeming with drunk people is not where you have to get to know someone. Suggest meeting in an environment where you feel comfortable and are most likely to present your best self. Whether that be in a local park, museum, or intimate restaurant, if the person you are dating is a decent enough human being, they will be happy to accommodate your suggestions.
5. Get Flirty For Feedback
If your dating technique is failing you continuously, it might be the right time to ask for some feedback for the future. Your lack of success up until this point could be for a reason entirely unrelated to your introversion, or it could be down to an issue with a super simple fix. Regardless, finding out what it is brings you one step closer to owning the dating game. You’ve got nothing to lose by asking – so just go for it.
Now that you’ve reached the end of this blog, it’s time to put Miingle’s advice into practice. Get out there and make it happen. Remember, the dating journey can be a tough one, but it’s worth it when you find the right person.