Whether you’re male or female, being bisexual comes with its own unique set of hurdles to navigate. From people thinking you’re just Gay Lite™, to trying to work out whether that girl (or guy) is flirting with you or just friendly – the struggle is real.
The good news is: you’re not alone. I’ve done the dirty work for you and found 5 archetypal bisexual stories that everyone in our “shades of gay” community will understand – and I’ve even thrown in a little bisexual advice for you too.
I’m scared I won’t get the chance to explore my sexuality
While some of us were born knowing we were bisexual, and others worked it out very early, you’re no less bisexual if you realised that you liked both men and women later in life. Realising you’re bisexual as an adult can present its own set of problems, especially when you’re already in a monogamous heterosexual relationship.
Reddit user u/mymindisblankrn writes:
“I am currently in a relationship with a man. We have been together for a little over a year now. And I love him. However, I feel like I’m missing out. I have never dated or had any type of romantic/sexual relationship with a woman. I don’t know what would be the “best” thing to do. Because, would I regret it if I never actually explore that side of my sexuality? Or is it enough just for me to know it’s there?”
Ah, indecision. The classic bisexual trait. My advice is to stop thinking about your chances to explore your sexuality in terms of “never” or “missing out”. Sure, you might be in a heterosexual relationship with a man at the moment, but you don’t know what the future holds. You may open up your relationship to others, or you might go your own separate ways. If you’re happy in your current relationship, then just enjoy it and see where it goes.
Besides, you could always ask if he’d be open to the idea of a threesome, if you’d like to explore with him.
People asking you to have threesomes
Speaking of threesomes – while they can be fun, it seems that every straight person who gets into a relationship with a bisexual person thinks that they’ve finally found their route to group sex. Nothing seems to be able to dissuade some people that actually, bisexual does not necessarily mean polygamous. As a bisexual, you’re allowed to want monogamy as much as any heterosexual or homosexual person, and it doesn’t invalidate your sexuality at all!
Long bisexual story short, if you’re being pressured into doing something you don’t want to do – like have a threesome or be treated like a sexual object – then you need to get out of that relationship right away. Your bisexuality isn’t for anyone else to enjoy unless you want them to. (Of course, this goes for everyone – bisexual or not.)
People question my sexuality
It’s bad enough that we walk around asking ourselves whether we are, in fact, bisexual, or whether we’re actually gay (or straight, for that matter). PSA: If you flip-flop between feeling gay and straight, that’s actually pretty bisexual behaviour, so you can relax.
What’s worse than our own internal confusion, is that other people question our sexuality too, asking if we’re heteros going through “a phase” we’ll soon mature out of, or gays who haven’t been able to make it all the way out of the closet.
Unfortunately, this type of behaviour doesn’t just come from homophobes. People who are exclusively same-sex attracted are just as guilty of seeing bisexuals as basically “spicy straight”. This can leave us bisexuals feeling like they’re not “gay enough” to complain about homophobia while at the same time experiencing prejudice from homophobes.
As u/attractedtobicycles says on Reddit:
“I just had someone tell me I didn’t really know what it’s like to be a closeted gay because I’ve never really experienced the closet. There are so many lesbians who treat bi women like they are just lesbians in denial or girls who are going to cheat, and many straight men treat bi girls like sex objects or conquests. I don’t have a whole lot of experience with how gay guys treat bi guys but I know that there are a lot of straight girls who would never date bi men. We have so many struggles of our own and I hate that a lot of gay people can’t recognize that and just assume we have it easier for being “straight passing” or whatever that means.”
I feel attracted to guys and girls in different ways
Newsflash: Men and women are different. As such, it’s perfectly normal for a bisexual to feel different kinds of romantic love and sexual attraction to men and women. (It’s also fine to feel the same way about both!)
One woman told us her bisexual story, about how she’s more romantically and emotionally attracted to women, but more sexually attracted to men. This caused a fair deal of conflict in her mind:
“Is it okay to be this way? I really do think i’m attracted to both men and women, and it wouldn’t make sense for me to be fully one or the other. To think that I’m exclusively attracted to just men or just women isn’t really plausible. So, as long as I do experience attraction to both in some way, shape, or form, even if it’s different, am I valid?”
Don’t worry, we’re here to tell you that if you have a romantic or sexual attraction to both sexes, then you are, in fact, very valid as a bisexual. In fact, lots of us feel love towards each sex in different ways. Unless you feel strictly platonic about one sex and not another, then you’re bisexual. Congratulations!
Can’t tell the difference between platonic and romantic love
These bisexual stories are as old as time – is that girl or guy into you, or are they just being friendly? If you’ve ever asked yourself “did she mean to touch my leg?” “is this platonic hand-holding?” “yes we kissed but WHAT DID IT MEAN?” then you’re living a very common bisexual experience.
The truth is, navigating romantic love is tough for everyone, but as bisexuals we have twice the number of people to misread, and we’re painfully aware of that. My advice in this situation is to relax, be honest about your feelings, and see where it goes. Everyone appreciates someone finding them attractive, so try to see it as a positive – you can flatter twice the amount of people!
We all have our own bisexual stories
You don’t need me to tell you that not every bisexual person has the same experiences, so if these bisexual stories don’t resonate with you, don’t feel invalidated or excluded. In fact, I always love to hear more bisexual stories so don’t hesitate to get in touch with us on Instagram or Twitter if you want to tell us about your experiences of being bisexual.